10/31
Back from a little break. I met someone intriguing to me while I was on vacation, a friend of a friend situation. So, a TdM spread for that. But first some background. When my friend first met his friend, he was kinda subtly trying to get me interested in him. I played it off, too much distance, an age difference, not being in the right place mentally for such a thing. A few years later, I finally me his friend and I get it. I felt an immediate attraction to him and I think I felt a bit of a spark back (but I am terrible at accurately noticing and interpreting relevant signals when directed at me). Anyway, it is the first time in a long time that such feelings of attraction and interest have surfaced for me so that alone feels like a bit of a victory. The same reasons as before (distance, age gap) plus very different lifestyles/personalities most likely stand in the way but still, it feels good to feel that kind of warmth toward someone new. Plus somehow some long dormant songs that I have loved have moved back into the forefront of my mind, like old friends. Whatever happens (or doesn't), I'll take it for now.
Anyway, a reading seemed in order to get some clarity on my own thoughts. I started shuffling the deck with just the idea of the situation in mind, not a particular question yet. Quickly the Emperor dropped out (this is clearly him, no question) followed by the Two of Wands, Eight of Pentacles, Seven of Pentacles, and Six of Wands.
So it felt right to keep shuffling and ask a more specific question at this point, setting the Emperor and his companion cards above the reading space. It seems silly but now I can't exactly recall that specific question, along it was something along the lines of what would it mean or signify to develop a relationship with him, if that were to occur? As I shuffled, first Justice jumped out, then Death flipped itself out, then the Fool. Hanging Man on the bottom, Four of Pentacles on top.
It's a lot to take in, especially the presence of three Majors sitting bare in the key spots. Justice is always a tough one for me to interpret as something about it scares me a bit, or makes me feel personally judged (I think I've mentioned this before). But now my intuition is telling me that this is more about dropping my own internal stance as a judge of others, of requiring everything to be exact, equal, fair (a trait since childhood, always getting upset at things that didn't seem fair). I don't take this to me throwing off all sense of fairness, but rather to lay off on the judgement of others or the harsh expression of that judgement (I am recalling the K situation in thinking about this). At the same time, critical thinking, simplicity, balance, feeling whole unto oneself are important qualities to bring into any relationship and especially this one, should it bloom. Multiple meanings here.
Next in the sequence, Death. Maybe this is why I responded to Justice by thinking about it as a warning about an overly critical stance toward others -- that Death was modifying Justice in this way. Of course it is also literally about traversing ground filled with our own psychological ghosts, about also knocking them down and pushing them into the earth. About movement forward even when damaged or cut down to our own essence. And the propulsion forward that our own impending death can fuel (in the sense that we are all moved by our impending deaths, even if we don't realize it). Time to shuffle forward, and perhaps leave the critical judgement of others behind.
What am I shuffling toward? The Fool. The movement, the freedom, the experience of being purely in the moment, without past or future. Stepping into something new with the past forgotten and the future unknown.
The Hanged Man on the bottom. Yes, I feel in limbo (and felt a bit of paralysis in his presence, a sure sign of attraction for me).
So, I would say this is a helpful insight into my own thinking about this situation and what it might represent. A path that could represent significantly changing/growing, moving in a very new direction. Time will tell, and of course these things are relevant to me just in general, with or without the Emperor's presence. Will keep you posted.